This is it!

Day 1                                                                                                                            July 24, 2011

This is it! I have wavered for too long and the only thing getting in my way is me…the voices…the negative side of me. The voices are figurative, like the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. The angel seems to have been eaten, by me, along with everything else I can get my lips around.

I wondered if journaling would be helpful. It seems to be for so many. Accountability. I can’t seem to hold myself accountable to me, only to those around me who may potentially judge me for being chubby and lazy – so far from the person I used to be.  But what if I blogged? I’m still not 100% behind the idea…I mean who really cares what I am going through? And I’m not a writer.

History: I am a 38ish white female. Married for almost 16 years, stay at home mom to a 4 year old, who has a pretty kick-ass (and by kick-ass I mean EASY) life where my biggest concern is raising my kid! Life of luxury compared to many…not that we are debt free or rolling in extra cash, but we can afford to do so many great things and I realize how stupid it is to be completely miserable because I am a little overweight…but it eats away at me. I never said I was not self-absorbed. Oh I AM!

I should be “over the moon” about my life. So judge me!

Back to my point: Once I started working out I never looked back. I wasn’t taught the benefits of diet and exercise as a youth. It was more like eat all of the food on your plate and go outside and play.  That was it. Exercise regimen…what? So I started working out (after a brief attempt in my early 20’s) and never looked back in 1999. The “diet” part didn’t come into play until much later.

What happened to the once fit me? Life. The unexpected. I wasn’t planning to get pregnant and I sure as hell wasn’t planning to have postpartum depression and then one problem after another physically…it has spiraled out of control. My kid is 4 1/2…FOUR and a f’ing HALF. And I am still chubby and soft and some days I can’t stand the sight of myself.

I have placated myself with the notion that I am actually some one’s goal weight. And I am. I’m not obese, just squishy and lumpy. Oh, and somewhere along the line I lost me…ME. I lost her, so now I really am a completely different person and I am not as well mannered as I used to be and I care less about it!

So this is the start of my story. I am aiming to make changes. Trying to be a better person, nicer to my family, and ultimately fit and strong again!

Sadly, I am starting off day one by not going to the gym. I popped something in my back last Sunday and am contemplating seeking medical help…contemplating. I am a huge fan of “ignore it and it will go away.” But it’s been a week. It may not just go away. But so far today (it’s not close to being over) I have made sound choices towards a healthy diet. Except that I need more water! 2:30pm and counting!