My boring little life...

I really haven't had much to say lately. I spent the better part of the month feeling a bit lousy, between the constant cold/cough and the really slow recovery from my vision correction surgery I haven't done much of anything! Hate not being able to see clearly! My vision actually charted WORSE than before the surgery, but I have a lot of epithelia running around in my eye...that's my take, and once they clear outta there I should be good to go! Time. More time.
The exciting news is I leave for vacation in a few short weeks...yay! Hopefully I'll be bikini ready!

Happy Valentine's Day...

You gotta love celebrating "love" by stuffing yourself full of food and topping it of with a decadent dessert of some sort after nibbling all day on a huge box of chocolates. Nothing says romance like gastrointestinal distress! Joy...

Recovery...

I had my vision correction surgery on Thursday. It wasn't as bad as I remembered, thankfully. I did forget that it is worse before it is better though and that when the doctor said I should be able to see to drive by Monday, she meant it. I feel trapped. Oh, and with this freaking cold snap it's not like I can just head outside for some fresh air...it's 19 degrees right now. Brrr!
I am thinking I may be able to get to the gym tomorrow...or I will go completely insane killing everyone and everything in my way...because I can't have cake for dinner and NOT go to the gym and still be nice to people. It just doesn't work. Sure, cake for dinner was my idea, but it sounded perfectly wonderful at the time. It sounds great for tonight's dinner too. Eh, we'll see.

I hate it when LIFE gets in the way...

I love to plan. Everything. I make lists and more lists. I cross items off, it makes me happy. I can't stand it when life gets in the way of my plans. If only I could figure out how to plan for everything...that would make me amazing! My son sometimes thinks I am, like when I know he is picking his nose although he thinks he is hiding it from me and I call him out on it. I am amazing. It's a super power. If only I could figure out how to use it for everything.

Scheduled surgery

So, I need to do it. I'm having my eye touched-up next month. I know it will be great to see well again, but I am not looking forward to the recovery process. Pain meds, goggles, eye drops, more pain meds. Such a night mare, but worth it in the end. Maybe it won't be as horrible as I remember. Maybe.
One more step in making myself better, right? Not that there is anything wrong with having poor vision, I am just not a contact lens wearer. Damn eyes are too dry. And I wore glasses forever...such a pain.

Poor, poor me. LOL! (If only I looked this cute ^.)

WTF?

Okay, so the idea of this blog initially was to put myself out there for public scrutiny to help me fulfill some weight loss goals. Which is absurd. No one cares about some 39 year-old house wife with a cushy-ass life who hates herself because she is a little soft and squishy. Narcissistic much? Yep!
Anyway I am trying, in all areas of my life, to be better or enough. I once read a nice story that really spoke to me about the word "enough" and how it's all you ever need. So true in all areas when you really think about it...
BUT this is not the point of my post today. What, you say? Here goes...WHAT makes little boys think it's okay to pee ANYWHERE? I was at a friend's house this morning and my son informed our hostess that her son pees in the basement. Oh, and it's not just him, his older brother does it too. But wait, another friend's son was doing the same thing at their house. In both houses the playroom is in the basement. In both cases the basements are finished with carpet and furniture and other generally nice things. In both cases the kids are old enough to know better (4, 5, and 6.) AND in both cases a bathroom is only a flight of stairs away - none of us live in huge houses. My friend was mortified! As I would have been. We both had heard from the other friend (we are all a part of the same social circle) when that happen with her son, but figured it was a "one time" thing. She handled it. Who knew it was a common problem???
I used it as an opportunity to discuss bathroom habits with my son. I quizzed him on where it is acceptable to go to the bathroom and where it is not! Asked him if he'd peed on the floor, wall, furniture of our or anyone else's house? He passed...unless he is lying. (Nose picking, though, is another problem altogether! YUK! I'm working on it.)
The good news for me is that our playroom is where normal people have a dining room. The other good news is that my son is generally well behaved and a rule follower...unless pressured. Fingers crossed, right?

If it's not one thing, it's another.

Or I could say, it's always something. Remembering that I have a kick-ass life filled with more great things than one person deserves...try to anyway. I had laser vision correction almost 10 years ago. I was sooo blind and had a lot of tissue removed, well, I am older now and the eyesight is regressing. I had an appointment today to see about a "touch-up." It seems that I am a candidate for one procedure - that is more painful than traditional lasik - that I had before - and recovery sucks! It hurts, it takes longer to heal, and since I (apparently) didn't hold up my end of the initial contract I have to pay $1200 to get it done! That is only for one eye (which is all I need!) If I'd have followed up yearly with my regular eye doctor it would have been free, yes free. I am a dumbass! They no longer offer free touchups to new patients - I was one of the lucky ones, who fucked it up, btw.
The really vain part of me says a) I have to have it done b/c contact lens wearing is not kind to the delicate eye skin and only wearing one will make one eye wrinkle more than the other b) fuck having it done and schedule some cosmetic surgery anyway or c) I need both.
Yes, people have real problem, but I really don't. Yes, I DID say that out loud. Yes, I am a terrible person. Is vanity considered one of the deadly sins? Well, at least I am not coveting anybody's wife...LOL!
Side note: Thankfully no one is reading this, I'm sure I would be seriously pissing off many people right now.
Haters, find solace in my misery over being chubby! And wrinkled!

Stupid body...

It is so frustrating...it seems like every time I get excited about my workouts and start to work hard again, I hurt myself. UGH! It's killing me. I'm not talking about a little muscle soreness (I LOVE DOMS!) I mean a pulled muscle (or joint pain, or a tendon tear, or hairline fracture, or you name it, I have done it.)
To make matters worse, I feel sorry for myself so I feed myself. I know it's a horrible cycle. I've fallen into it so many times over the last several years.
So my plan for the next week - I swear it better not take longer than that for my freaking trap to feel better - is to keep committed to a healthy meal plan even though my workouts are weak!
After all it's 80% diet. Or 70, depending on who you ask.
I must stay out of the pop-tart aisle!!!

Do NOT Doubt Yourself

Easy to say. Not so easy to do. 

I started keeping a food log. Something my former, fit self used to do. And I started planning out my workouts in advance...also a habit I used to have. I figure, I used to believe in myself and my ability to have the body I wanted and to be in great shape...somewhere, somehow, I let doubt get the best of me. I have been telling myself, post baby, that I will never be as fit as I once was or look as good as I did (although I was always a work in progress AND it has been almost 5 years!) Sure, my body is older now, but I can't let that be the reason I don't try as hard as I can to be "me" again. I still relate to that fit girl in many ways. Although I am much less selfish now. And covered in chub! She's in here somewhere, right?

I still believe that a nice, sweaty workout cures what ails me. I still believe that being strong is important. I still believe in fitness as a huge part of wellness. 

I need to remember to forgive myself and move on. To get rid of doubt. I can be as fit as I want to be!

Learn to Like What You Have

I read this tidbit of wisdom this morning and thought "Ouch!" That certainly could apply to me. My husband was giving me a bit of hell recently about always buying new decorative items to replace the perfectly nice decorative items we already have. I, of course, was pissy with him! My retort was somewhere along the lines of him making plenty of money for me to satisfy that need. Pretty sure I sounded like a spoiled child.
Okay, so I'm working on me. Always. I'll add this to my list, so to speak.
Perhaps I should start by canceling all of the catalogs that make it to my mailbox on a daily basis. And maybe I need to start deleting those emails...you know "SALE! 20% off 3DAYS ONLY!" Of which I get about 10 a day. What can I say, I shop!
As far as my other personal goals go, today, like all days, is a new day and I will do the best that I can to make myself proud to be me! Time to drink some water and eat some egg whites. No more pop-tarts, for now. ;)

Yum, Pop Tarts!

So, I bought pop tarts. Because I LOVE them! (I am a cheap sugar whore.) I also got them thinking it would be a special treat for my son...he's 4, he loves sugar laden food, he should love pop tarts too. BUT he doesn't. In fact, I think he may hate them.
This is where it gets a bit more ridiculous. I still try to feed them to him. I "can't" throw them out (why waste perfectly good food, right?) I am sad that he doesn't love them like I do. I end up eating the whole box myself. In one day. And, while I do recognize this a pattern, I continue to repeat it every few months. Ridiculous!
Today though, I have a box and I'm throwing it out. That's a step. I really want to eat them all, I did have two already...progress!

Six months later...

So, I am still chubby. I did manage to lose a few pounds, but I swear I gained them all back in two days at Christmas. I literally had a hangover from sugar...felt the same as if I'd had two BOTTLES of wine, but I only had water to drink!
I recovered and have been back on track, more or less, since the 26th. I thought I would give this whole blogging thing another try. So here goes.
It's not quite my new day one, especially since I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions. It seems to me they were designed for failure. You make them because society is telling you that you need to change something about yourself not because you really want to change. If you wanted to do something differently, wouldn't you have done it already?? Just a thought!